5 O’Clock News

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 p.m. He sat down next to this blond at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blond looked at Jack and said, “Do you think he’'ll jump?”

Jack says, “You know, I bet he will.”

The blond replied, “Well, I bet he won’'t.”

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blond placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blond was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”

The blond replies, “I did too; but I didn’'t think he’d do it again.”

Jack took the money ——

Attached is problem three on a geometry examination. It is the solution submitted by a beautiful blond student. It is our understanding that after careful scrutiny, the student was given credit for the answer by the teacher. When hearing of this the Board of Education warned math teachers to be more explicit in the wording of examination problems but was hesitant to suggest how.

Three blonds were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”

The blonds all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a police officer, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.”

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blond and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”

The blond immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”

The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”

The first blond hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blond, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”

“Yes! He only has one ear!”

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!”

The second blond sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blond and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but——” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”

The blond said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.”

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blond with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”

The blond rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”