A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49^th floor, construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, “This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.”

 

A couple days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, “We are the guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.”

 

The police said, “It’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.”

 

“Well, who was it?”

 

“The 1956 blond National Hide-and-Seek Champion.”

 

A man met a beautiful blond lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

 

She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.”

 

He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a 2¹/₂ tuck gainer, this was followed by a 3 rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

 

She said, “That was incredible!”

 

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”

 

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about 30 laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

 

He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

 

“No,” said the blond, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

 

Blond Mary was a none too bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case.

 

When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. “The wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?”

 

“Well, yes,” acknowledged Mary with a sniff, “but I couldn’t help it.”

 

“Couldn’t help it?” asked the lawyer derisively. “How’s that?”

 

“Mr. Evans deceived me.”

 

“Exactly what do you mean?”

 

“See, when we signed in,” she explained, “He told the motel clerk I was his wife.”