Curmudgeon

Do you have any junk mail junkies in your home?  Tracey is ours.  Actually it’s not just any junk mail but catalogs, sale bills and flyers that get her going.  I used to throw all that stuff in the bin as soon as I brought it in the house but over the years I have been giving her more and more of it just to watch her starry eyed delight at dreaming over all the junk within these wondrous free mailers.  It has gotten so bad she will even snatch up catalogs, magazines and stuff when we are over at Mom’s house and get lost in them while the rest of us visit.  I have even seen her going through men’s clothing catalogs page by page.  Probably wondering how her handsome sons would look in those snazzy outfits.  You know they got it bad when you catch them looking through a tool catalog ... pausing at the socket wrench sets and stuff.  Maybe it’s just the shiny stuff that catches the eye there ... I don’t know.  The only time I look at these catalogs is when I actually need something and then I can never find one that isn’t already over 6 months old.  She especially loves the gadget guides.  That’s what I call those little catalogs that will sell you a combination cork screw and tooth brush or a brush and comb set for your eyelashes.  Nobody would ever actually use that stuff but you could proudly say you owned one.  When I was younger I was sure I needed a beer hat.  One of those fancy jobs with dual beer can holsters and connected tubing and a check valve so it wouldn’t drip.  I could never find one with a chin strap so I gave it up as a bad idea offered before its time.  Some bad ideas are timely ... like Pet Rocks.  I missed out on that one too because I had already caught a wild rock and tamed it myself.