The Legel Report

It was an interesting afternoon yesterday. First the repair shop called to tell me the damages on the Taurus. I was surprised it wasn’t worse than what he told me. He’s going to put in a used strut and spindle assembly which will save me a couple hundred dollars over brand new. He told me I need to replace the front tires because the left one had a splinch in it from the crash and the other was about shot anyway. So I made some phone calls and found that Fart & Fleem in Morton has the best price for an inexpensive tire (I hate to use the word cheap!) I grabbed a shopping cart on the way in and headed back to the tire desk. I was talking to the tire desk dude when a young fellow wandered by and stole my cart. I didn’t notice until he was clear across the store, about a 100 feet or so, and I yelled at him to bring my +*&^ cart back! That got everybody’s attention. I was still fussing and fuming when the fellow sheepishly returned it mumbling about nobody using it. I told him he sure didn’t haul the corn starch thing all the way back there and it didn’t just appear there magically. So the tire desk dude suddenly gets a hitch in his britches and gets my tires real quick. I think he just wanted to get cranky old me out of there. So I got my tires all paid for and loaded up and as I am shoving them out the store this lady at the cash register up front yells at me to stop and asked if I had paid for the tires. I yelled right back at her asking if they have a lot of tires stolen? She says no, but people usually stop when they come by the registers up front. I ask why. She says so they know we paid for them. I told her you can’t get a tire from the tire desk until you pay for it because they keep them locked up in the back ... except for the ones nailed to the wall to show you what they look like. So I ask her if she wants to see my receipt (we’re still bellowing at each other because she’s too imperious to come to me and I’m to ornery to go back to her) and she says, “No, that will be OK.” Still blocking the door I bellow back, “Then why the heck did you stop me for this ridiculous tirade if you don’t need any proof anyway?” I left shaking my head. A lot of customers were shaking their heads as well ... whether with me or at me I don’t care. But it was an interesting day at the Fart & Fleem yesterday.

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