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Sunday, March 9, 2008

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. 
Unless there are three other people.
Orson Welles
Comments   (0)   /Blog/2008/03/09/pagetop.php
Take a look at the nearest clock ... Do you feel vaguely disoriented?  Is your body rhythm out of sync with the time of day.  If so — you have probably moved your clock ahead an hour to be aligned with the rest of our dumb society.  If your body clock feels good this morning it is because you didn’t mess with your house clocks ... yet.
Breakfast with my old union buddies went well yesterday ... We had a great time talking over old times and comparing new surgical scars.  It is unfortunate that we do spend some time discussing who has passed, who has some new dire ailment and who is left among us.  I was tickled to see Maynard showed up again.  He will be 90 years old on Monday.  He has some Some-Timers going on but seems to be remarkably spry and “with it” for his age.
All Right Youse Guys!!  Ben says it looks like nobody else has volunteered to go on the robot team trip and I might still get to tag along.  I will call his teacher tomorrow and find out for sure.  I would also like to know just what I have let myself in for and warn her that I snore terrible bad and they better make sure I don’t have to bunk with a room mate.  (Unless she’s good looking and has ear plugs! ;-)  I’ll show you guys I can be on my good behavior and not say (too many) bad things about the school district, Caterpillar or any politics at all!  It will be boring, but I can do it without stirring anything up.  I think.  Maybe.
Protestors demonstrate the use of waterboarding on a volunteer in front of the Justice Department in Washington in this Nov. 5, 2007, file photo. President Bush is poised to veto legislation that would bar the CIA from using waterboarding - a technique that simulates drowning - and other harsh interrogation methods on terror suspects.
AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta
Comments   (0)   /Jokes/2008/Cartoons/0309.php
Humor For Lexophiles (Lovers Of Words):

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger ... and then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off?
Well!!!  He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell into wet cement.  He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.  He did a number on it.

The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes in verse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done
Comments   (0)   /Jokes/2008/0309.php
Comments   (0)   /Jokes/2008/FunPhotos/0309.php
Comments   (0)   /Video/2008/Video/0309.php
Comments   (0)   /Pictures/2008/family/0309.php
Here’s a pet peeve for you....I guess Morton Walmart had to be evacuated/closed tonight because someone left a threatening message on a laptop in their computer dept.  What are these people thinking??!!!  Oh, wait, I guess they don’t think!!  I really hope/wish that they could catch the person responsible for that prank -- at least I hope it was a prank.
Tammy 09 Mar 2008, 9:39 p.m.

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