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March 25, 2008

To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble.  But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
H. L. Mencken
You may recall last January Tracey got a new computer at work.  She has had some problems since then.  She never had any sound from day one and the tech she talked to back then told her to unplug the speakers and when the computer itself made no sound he diagnosed it as a problem with the computer itself and not the speakers.  Since she had to take it apart and connect the hard drive in the very beginning she was ready to accept a hardware problem for the sound problem too.  Tracey has pursued this situation diligently because she has various occasions when she needs to listen to instructional DVDs etc.  She has reconnected the wires, studied the software settings, etc.

Yesterday she finally got hold of technician at the Help Desk who got the problem correctly diagnosed.  He explained the other tech was incorrect in his approach as her computer was not built with any onboard sound so it had to be either her soundcard or her speakers.  He asked her first to check on the right side of her monitor for a speaker.  Then he asked her if it had a black knob and if it did to turn that knob to make sure the speakers were on and turned up.  Voila!  Problem Solved!  Tracey said she hasn’t felt so foolish in forever.  All this time and all she had to do was turn the speakers on.  Doh!
Republican presidential candidate, Sen. John McCain’s ethics entanglement with a wealthy banker ultimately convicted of swindling investors was such a disturbing, formative experience in his political career that he compares the scandal in some ways to the five years he was tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.

[MjL -->  This is just the sort of sh*t resulting from the typical oral enema applied by the GOP ... repeat some absolute nonsense lie often enough and people will begin to believe it.  The man was a crook, is a crook and will always be a ...CROOK! 
This makes it sound like he woke up in bed with this banker holding fists full of money (which he never repaid) and just couldn’t figure out how he got there.  Must have been those darn aliens again?  McCain is as phony as a 3 dollar bill.  And senile to boot. <-- MjL]
Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived.  Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.  He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.  However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.  We have heard a lot about you.  I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone.  The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.  But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.  I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was.’

St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God’s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. 

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, ‘Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?  Shucks, that one is easy.  That would be Today and Tomorrow.’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.  How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.  ‘How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’

Astounded, St.  Peter said, ‘Twelve?  Twelve?  !  Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’

Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...  ‘

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter.  ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.  Let us go on with the third and final question.  Can you tell me God’s first name’?

‘Sure,’ Forrest replied, ‘it’s Andy.’

‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.  ‘Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’ Forrest replied.  ‘I learnt it from the song, ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: ‘Run, Forrest, run.’
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