I tried a couple of Tammy’s inspired April Fool’s suggestions but they didn’t work out for me. Noah found the rubber band on the sink sprayer without getting sprayed ... and blamed it on Aaron. Ben found the tape on his optical mouse real fast (because I borrowed the tape from him, Duh!). Tracey never did use her mouse so I finally just told her about it. I seem to be the only fool in the house!
I noticed several of the local blogs tried to fool folks with some weird stories but around the Peoria area sometimes weird is normal so I think several of them probably went right over my head. Or is it that I am weird enough that weird seems normal to me? Anyway, I gotta another year to work on my shtick!
Twenty Dollars On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!’
That’s when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut!
Forty years ago today I was out on my bicycle collecting money on my newspaper route. I had just finished for the evening and went to the Pat & Sam’s Market in Marquette Hts. to buy some goodies with some of my loot for the week. I recall walking into the store and everyone was standing still ... the radio was playing on the intercom radio and it was news of Martin Luther King’s assassination. I remember being irked because I wanted to get my Suzy Q and soda paid for so I could get home before it got too late ... and nobody was working the register. They were all just standing there talking about this announcement. I was too young then to understand what had really happened. But I remember that day still. I wish I had been old enough to fully understand the news I had watched up until that day and I wish now that this country had learned a lesson from the man who died. I’m not sure we have.
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