 | Saturday, December 6, 2008 |  |
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| You can observe a lot just by watching. Yogi Berra |
O.J. Simpson listens as District Court Judge Jackie Glass (not in photo) reads his sentence at the Clark County Regional Justice Center in Las Vegas, Nevada December 5, 2008. Simpson and co-defendant Clarence “C.J.” Stewart were sentenced to at least 15 years on 12 charges, including felony kidnapping, armed robbery and conspiracy related to a 2007 confrontation with sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel. |
Onions And Christmas Trees
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions”.
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas tree”.
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” |
Stupid Human TrickLast evening I pulled a real Stupid Human Trick. I was closing the garage door and pulled it down from the bottom as I always do ... but it stuck about halfway. I reached up to grab the handle and missed. Instead my fingers went into the opening between two panels. This jogged the door enough for it to start closing again and really smashed two fingers. I hurried to push the door back up again so I could get them out of the door, all the while saying things like ”Oh Darn!”, “Shucks!”, and perhaps “OUCH!”. I may have uttered (loudly) other expletives but my memory fails me. Tracey took a few pictures to document this Stupid Human Trick. You can see two fingers are a shade of purple which are darker this morning and the finger nails are more purple too.
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MjL 06 Dec 2008, 05:27 a.m.
This Just In!An important message was forwarded to me by good friend Jeff T. ...
Dear MHS Band Parents and Students,
I am extremely proud to inform you that the Morton High School Marching Band has been formally selected by President-Elect Barack Obama’s Inauguration Committee to march in the January 20, 2009 Inauguration Parade. This is a great honor for our band students and staff, Morton High School and Central Illinois.
Additional details/information will be e-mailed as soon as possible.
Thanks,
Jeff Neavor, Director of Bands
Morton High School
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MjL 06 Dec 2008, 05:38 a.m.
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Border Disorder
