Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
“Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,” he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
“Yiminy Cricket!” exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. “Vhere did yew git dat monster??”
“Vell”, replied Olaf, “I got it from me Genie.”
“You haff a genie in yor tackle box?” Sven asked.
“Ya, shure. It’s right here in my tackle box,” says Olaf.
“Could I see him?”
So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, “Hey dere! I’m a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?”
“Yes, I will,” says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks...flying overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf. “Yumpin’ Yimmny I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”
Olaf answers, “Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?”
I had hoped to get the face mask exchanged yesterday but I had a hard time getting hold of the girl with whom I had to make “an appointment”. She finally called me back and this all too self important “respiratory therapist” informed me in her best valley girl rendition that if I didn’t make an appointment and have the mask properly fitted it would void the warranty and other manifest doom. So I couldn’t just go in and simply swap the masks ... I have to have it “properly fitted”. I’m not sure how they think me sitting upright breathing through a mask while wide awake is any way to “properly fit” something you use laying down on a pillow and trying to sleep. Ultimately it will be up to me to figure the darn thing out anyway. But there you have the density of dealing with the modern Medical Mafia. So I struggled through another night of no sleep to satisfy the whim of somebody else who continues to loudly profess it is “for my own good”. Go figure.
I also had my appointment with the all important pulmonologist yesterday and it turned out to be the monumental waste of time I thought it would be. I was there for just over an hour and at least half of that time was used to fill out useless forms and answer repetitive and stupid questions. In the end they told me absolutely nothing I didn’t already know and told me to come back in 3 months. I didn’t argue with them about anything ... but I’m already pretty sure I will have something better to do in three months and forever after that. Now that I have the infernal breathing machine I don’t need them again until they threaten to cancel my prescription to extort another “examination” or “consultation”.
Added 04/01/09 I finally got the mask exchanged yesterday. My “professional fitting” lasted all of about 10 seconds when her highness, the “respiratory therapist” said, “Here, try this on.” Literally. I put it on, it fit and was deemed “professionally fitted”. Maybe now I will have something to talk about every morning besides how I slept.
Breakfast with Michael T. was fun yesterday. I drank too much coffee which turned me into a total motor-mouth. I have to give Michael credit for the “Medical Mafia” designation ... that really sums up my opinion of it all. We talked of many things political, the recent wedding of his daughter, and other stuff.
MjL 31 Mar 2009, 05:37 a.m.
Nope, Medical Mafia is yours, check you comments on March 23rd. I was sure I had gotten it from reading your blog, but was beginning to think that maybe I actually had coined a phrase of my own until I finally went back far enough.
Michael T. 31 Mar 2009, 2:43 p.m.
What do ya know! That’s the problem with blogging so early in the morning ... I forget what I said! I suppose it is only natural that this whole line of analogy is on my mind as I am reading “The Godfather” by Mario Puzo. I enjoyed the movie so much I decided to get the book as soon as it came out in eReader format last month. The similarities are so complete!
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