We learn from history that we do not learn from history.

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Jasmine - The Mother Theresa of Dogs

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On their way to the Amish Corn Celebration near Ames, a blonde driver loses control of a pickup on an absolutely flat, straight road and plunges into the only lake in the state.  There are a couple of swirls on the surface of the lake as the driver and passenger get the doors open and bob to the surface.  However, there is no sign of the six blondes who were riding in the bed of the topperless pickup.  Precious seconds go by and the driver gets worried when suddenly, the six bob to the surface, spluttering and choking... They all swim to shore and from the safety of the shortline, the driver asks them what took them so long to come to the surface.  They splutter, “We couldn’t get the damn tailgate down.”

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You may be a Taliban, if... - You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. - You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. - You have more wives than teeth. - You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.” - You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. - You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against. - You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. - You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. - You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one. - You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

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