02/05/2010 Quote «The Legel Report»People who think by the inch and talk by the yard
deserve to be kicked by the foot. | |
Odd Autos
 Dave decided to take Mabel to the Snake Gully Cafe for lunch. Dave looked at the menu and said, ‘They’ve got sheep tongues on the menu, Mabel. I think I’ll have that. What about you?’
Mabel said, ‘No, Dave, I couldn’t eat anything that came out of an animal’s mouth.’
‘What would you like then, Mabel?’ said Dave.
Mabel said, ‘I think I’ll have an egg.’ | |
 A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.” | |
Photo Du Jour
Photo Du Jour
Signs of Protest
Ben decided he felt well enough to go to school yesterday. I think he was more concerned about going to the Scholastic Bowl meet after school. He seemed to be OK by the end of the day though so I guess he was right.
Tracey’s day got messed up yesterday and stayed that way. She was supposed to go to a training thing in E. Peoria but one of the techs needed the day off for a family emergency so Tracey had to rush to work instead. I took her to work and when I picked her up again last evening she forgot her purse. So I will have to haul her around today because she doesn’t have driver’s license. Not a problem really, but she seemed a bit steamed. |
MjL 05 Feb 2010, 04:17 a.m.
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