I was fussing about the whole Santa thing and chafing to get downstairs to open my loot and my uncle was getting quite exasperated with me. Mostly because he thought he shouldn’t be made to stay upstairs with the “little kids”.

So he told me to stop worrying about it. Santa isn’t real. I had my suspicions, so it wasn’t a bombshell discovery, but I always thought it ornery of him to tell me.

The next time was some time later when I mockingly told my Mom I couldn’t tell her something because it was a secret.

Mom told me it was not nice to keep secrets and secrets can get you in trouble, so you should always tell the truth. Maybe not those words exactly but something very like that.

Dad was sitting in his usual place behind his usual paperback book and he said, “Loose lips sink ships.”

He went on to explain how important during times of war that people not talk about certain things because “the enemy” could use that information to kill you, your friends or family.

So, my earliest thoughts about secrets were rather mixed.

Sometimes secrets are necessary.

Secrets are only a secret until you tell someone. Telling a secret is a measure of trust, but if you tell somebody you can’t share a secret they hear that you don’t trust them. I can see now this is going to get lengthy. Secrets aren’t really as simple as telling or not telling.

I remember a story from a co-worker. It was told several years after the fact, but the point remained relevant. His wife suspected she might be pregnant. She used a home pregnancy test and it turned out positive, but she still didn’t want to say anything until she had it confirmed by a doctor. She kept her secret. Still wanting to keep her secret she lied to her husband when he asked where she was going. It turned out she wasn’t pregnant after all.

The husband gets a bill from the doctor office. Now the story takes a different turn doesn’t it?

There is a difference between a secret and the right of privacy, but some people don’t see the difference.

There are “family secrets” and “white lies” (often used in the same context).

Now we come to the secrets I find almost universally misunderstood. Corporate secrets. I’m not talking about the secret recipes or secrets that involve competitors because these are secrets to be kept from “enemies”.

I’m talking about the crazy idea of telling secrets among managers, employees and co-workers. It never works out well.

Here’s how this invariably plays out. The manager goes to a meeting and comes back to questions. Now the dilemma. Lie about the meeting because of secrets or tell the truth that there are secrets but you can’t say anything else.

In one case you are a bad manager for being a liar. In the other you are a bad manager for telling your co-workers you don’t trust them.

The secrets will get out anyway. It is a lose, lose.