A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

 

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

 

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde “biker girl.”

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

 

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
“Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

 

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license.

 

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

 

“What does it look like?” she finally asked.

 

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

 

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.  “Here it is,” she said.

 

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go.  I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.  He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is .. An auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”

 
“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

 
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for Blondie?”

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!
 
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN !

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10:00 news was on.  The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

 

The blonde looked at Jack and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

 

Jack says, “You know, I bet he will.”

 

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

 

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair.  Here’s your money.”

 

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”

 

The blonde replies, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

 

Jack took the money.....

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.  The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”

 

The blondes all nodded.

 

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a police officer, you have to be able to detect.  You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.”

 

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.  “Now,” he said, “Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”

 

The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did.  He has only one eye!”

 

The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture!  It’s a profile of his face!  You’re dismissed!”

 

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, “What about you?  Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”

 

“Yes!  He only has one ear!”

 

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady?  This is a profile of the man’s face!  Of course you can only see one ear!  You’re excused too!”

 

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

 

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but...” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”

 

The blonde said, “I sure did.  This man wears contact lenses.”

 

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.  He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right!  His bio says he wears contacts!  How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”

 

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Helloooo!  With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”