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Getting Your Affairs in Order
A woman went to her doctor.  The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve some bad news.  You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.”

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.  “Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well.  In this case, things aren’t well.  I have cancer.  Let’s head to the club and have a martini”

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.  There were some laughs and more martinis.  They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.  The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.  “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.”  The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.”

The woman said, “I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”