Irish Virginity Test
Paddy and Mick are discussing Paddy’s forthcoming wedding ...  “I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not” he said. 

Mick says,”Oh, there’s an easy test for that.  All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.  You paint one of your balls red and the other blue.  On your honeymoon if she laughs and says, ‘Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’

You hit her with the shovel!”

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Don’t You Believe Me?
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin.  He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

“Aye, so I have.  ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints.  And then there was something called “Happy Hour” and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good.  I had four or five o’ those.  Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn’t be rude, ye know.  Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ...”  And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, “Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.”

Indignantly, the man said, “Why?  Don’t ye believe me?”

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Motorcycle Riders
It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day.  After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt’n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ... “Seamus ...  Seamus ...  the wind is cutt’n me chest out!”

“Well, Paddy my lad,” said Seamus, “why don’t you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ...  that’ll block the wind for you.”

So Paddy took Seamus’ advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again.  After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there.  Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route.  When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.  “T’anks be to heaven, is he alright?” Seamus hailed to the farmers. 

“Well,” said one of the farmers, “ he was alright when we found him here ..  but since we turned his head back to front ..  he hasn’t said a word since!”

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