A Redneck and his Dog
On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog.  He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.  About
20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree.  The redneck said that it was his.

The policeman said, “Your dog seems to be in heat.”

The redneck replies, “No she ain’t!  I got ‘er tied under the shade tree to be cool.”

The policeman says, “No!  You don’t understand your dog wants to be bred.”

“No way,” the redneck says, “dog don’t need bread, she ain’t hongry, ‘cause I fed ‘er beef jerky this mornin’.”

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out: “NO!  You don’t seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!”

The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says, “Go ‘head.  I always wanted a police dog!”

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Gas Promotion
A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales.  So he put up a sign that read, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up.’  Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.  If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, ‘You were close.  The number was 7.  Sorry.  No sex this time.’

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.  Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number.  The redneck guessed 2 this time.  The proprietor said, ‘Sorry, it was 3.  You were close, but no free sex this time.’

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, ‘I think that game is rigged and he don’t really give away free sex.’

Bubba replied, ‘No it ain’t rigged. My wife won twice last week.”

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Census
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked.  When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. 

She said, ‘Les’ see now, there’s the twins, Sally and Billy, they’re thirty-two.  And the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re twenty-six.  And the twins, Penny and Jenny , they’re twenty-four ..  ‘

‘Hold on!’ said the census taker, ‘Did you get twins EVERY time?’

The woman answered, ‘Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin.’

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Fish
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish.  He was leavin’ a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
“Naw, sir”, replied the redneck.  “I ain’t got none of them there licenses.  You must understand, these here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yeah.  Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let ‘em swim ‘round for awhile.  Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take ‘em home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey!  Fish can’t do that.”

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, “It’s the truth Mr.  Government Man.  I’ll show ya.  It really works.”

“O.  K.”, said the warden.  “I’ve got to see this!”

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, “Well?”  “Well, what?”, says the redneck.

The warden says, “When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH”, replied the warden!

“What fish?”, replied the redneck.

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain’t as dumb as some government employees.

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